It has been FAR too long since I have updated this blog. In the meantime, I have been keeping a list of things that bother me, and when I'm having a particularly shitty day or when I just feel like bitching or venting, I pull out the list and pick a topic. Today's topic features inappropriate touching from coworkers.
I have written about touching pregnant bellies and also touching me in general, but this post is about touching someone's feet. Specifically, when someone touched mine.
I was recently on a business trip to a different city in a different state in a completely different part of the country. Unfortunately, a few months ago I broke my leg when I slipped on some ice (which is also part of the reason I haven't been blogging) and I had a cast on one of my legs. It was a quick trip, but this trip was long enough to include 2 nights each with their own cocktail hour and group dinner.
I traveled on an airplane and in taxis with my broken leg, and in order for me to get around I had been using a Rollabout - a "knee scooter" - to keep my leg off the ground. This scooter is an alternative to crutches, and in my opinion it was a lifesaver.
The final night of the trip, a director-level executive (this is not his name, but I'll call him Barry) took everyone out for a nice meal at a nice restaurant after cocktails at the hotel. Once everyone was seated in the private room where dinner was being served, they opened the bar so everyone could come up and get a drink. I was waiting at the bar with a colleage, standing on one leg with my broken leg resting/balancing on my scooter. Before long I realized something was touching the bottom of my toes. At first I thought it might be a server's apron or a tablecloth or something of that nature, but it didn't stop so I looked behind me. Barry had left his place in line, walked over to me, tickled the bottom of my exposed toes (the small amount that was sticking out of my cast).... then he SNIFFED HIS FINGERS and loudly proclaimed, "Ohhh, they're kind of stinky!" in front of the entire room of about 60 of our colleagues.
I was so shocked and so uncomfortable, I just joked about the situation and said something to the effect of, "Well, it's not like I can wash my feet..." to which he replied, "No, but you could wipe your toes or something!". At this point all of his cronies were laughing at his "jokes" while I remained at the bar until my drink arrived, then quickly took my seat at a table which was 2 tables away from him. Before I left the bar, he asked if he could help get me a drink, but I assured him that I didn't need his assistance.
I did have some witnesses, but they didn't seem to think much of it. In fact, they seemed to think that Barry would have done this to me whether I was female OR male. Basically they were just defending him and made it out to be less than it was.
If Barry had touched my arm or my shoulder or even my back, I think that would have been significantly more acceptable than my toes... even though I still would not have appreciated it. Who touches toes?! People with foot fetishes. What is the draw to touch someone's toes while wearing a cast? I really shouldn't even have to justify WHY touching my toes was completely inappropriate. But apparently, I had to.
What if this dinner was being held in the summer, and his wife was in attendance wearing open-toed shoes... If someone touched HER toes, would he have blown a gasket or just laughed it off? Would he have said anything to the person who touched her toes? Most heterosexual men I know wouldn't DARE touch another guy's toes, regardless of whether they were sticking out of a cast or not... so I'm not buying that "he would have done it regardless" excuse whatsoever.
I confronted him about this issue, and in fact, I included the human resources department. Here's how it went down:
Barry: You know, I've gotta tell ya... this just caught me way off guard. I would have never thought in a million years we'd be having this conversation. First of all, I want to say I apologize. I didn't know that I was offending you. We were at this dinner, and you were kind of off to the side... and I was just touching your toe to get your attention to see if I could get you a drink at the bar, and apparently this thing didn't set well with you, so I apologize. I guess I just want to open up the conversation and just... what happened? What did I do that was so offensive? I really want to know because I don't ever want to do that again.
Me: I just -- I felt really, really uncomfortable. If it was like my shoulder or my arm or something, I could totally understand that. I just feel like it's a part of my body that I wouldn't expect anybody to go anywhere near. After you did that, you sniffed your fingers and said, "Ohhh, they're kind of stinky!" and I was really embarrassed, and I --
Barry: I did not do that...
Me: Yes, you did.
Barry: No, I did not.
Me: Yes, you did!
Barry: No.....
HR: I can't agree or negate that.
Me: Well I certainly wouldn't make that up, but regardless, it's done and over, but I just felt really, really uncomfortable and I just -- I didn't know what to do so I just kind of shrugged it off and sort of joked about it with you because it was a light mood and everybody was having a good time. The more I thought about it, the more it just really didn't set well with me. Then, I spoke to my husband about it and he just did not appreciate the fact that that happened... I don't know. It just put me in a really, really uncomfortable position, and I didn't want to make it out to be more serious than it was, but still at the same time I didn't know how else to handle it and so that's why I spoke to HR about it.
Barry: Well that's fine; I understand that you went to HR. That's the right thing to do. Again, I apologize, I didn't know it was going to be that offensive. I meant nothing by it other than to just get your attention to see if you wanted for me to get you a drink at the bar. I apologize. I just didn't realize it was going to be that offensive. It'll never happen again, believe me.
Me: Okay. I realize my toes were exposed; it was warm; I didn't have my sock on and whatever. I just didn't expect it at that time, and I don't think I would have expected it at any time from anybody that I work with.
Barry: I certainly understand. It won't happen again, believe me.
Me: Thank you.
I can speculate all I want, but the fact of the matter is that it was totally inappropriate and unjustified. I sincerely hope that I never have to deal with pervy guys like this ever again.
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