#126 Saying: "Do what now?"

I have previously written about having to repeat myself and how much I dislike doing so. Recently I have had some interactions with people located outside of my home state, and they repeat a phrase which they intend for me to repeat myself or clarify further. This phrase is, "Do what now?"

After doing a little bit of research on the internet, apparently (according to non-published sources) this is a "Southern U.S." colloquialism. I would say that I can agree with the fact that it could potentially be a regional saying, much like soda is represented by soda / soft drink / pop / soda pop, etc. in different parts of the United States, but I’m not convinced it is only prevalent in the South.

This phrase frustrates me. Saying "Do what now?" implies that I asked you to do something. I'm not asking anyone to do anything. If you didn't hear me, you can simply use other words to ask me to repeat what I said. If I ask, "How many pencils are on the table?" or, "How is your sister feeling?" this should elicit a singular, definitive answer, and then maybe an further explanation if necessary.

It is entirely possible that the people who use this phrase often are not even aware that they are doing so. It is also entirely possible that people say this all the time and other people simply do not recognize that it is being said, or simply don't care. I tend to pay very close attention to detail, and I pick up on things like this – for better or worse.

I sincerely feel that the world would be a better place if everyone was more self-aware.

#123 Voice Volume

A guy that I work with is notorious for having a loud, booming voice. Apparently all of our company's customers that interact with him just love him because he's nice or whatever, but I am so annoyed by him for many, many reasons.

When I first started working at this company, we had to work on a project together. He called me by a different name on a number of occasions: Melissa, Michelle, Lisa (don't ask me how you get Lisa from Melanie... I will never know). He has also sent numerous emails to a different Melanie (probably the only other person in the entire company who shares my first name) because he once sent her an email so her name pops up in the "To:" field first (and he's too oblivious to notice). My name is not that difficult. If I had a strange or unusual name that is predominant in a foreign country, I could totally understand that someone could have some difficulty with it. I could also understand if perhaps we didn't work together often, but this guy saw me in the office every single day.

He also draws out many filler words. "Yeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" or "oooooooooooookaaaaaaaayyyy" or even "wellllllllllllllllll" are ones he uses often. Then he passes by and starts off with, "Heeeeeeeeyyyyy there." A simple, "Good morning" or "Hello" would suffice, thanks.

This guy is lucky enough to have an office. He frequently has conversations with coworkers outside of his office, and his voice can literally be heard clear across half the building (or farther!). This is particularly distracting when a) I'm on the phone (this causes difficulty hearing the person(s) on the other end of the line, and b) when the conversation is non-work related, which is often the case.

Actually, conversations that occur within his office are particularly distracting as well. He will actually talk louder while he's on the phone in his office than when he has a face-to-face conversation with someone. On a few different occasions I have actually walked over to his office and closed the door while he was talking to someone (either on speakerphone, on the telephone handset, or in-person).

I don't understand why, if there is a door on your office, you don't CLOSE IT when you're having a conversation. No one wants to hear what you're talking about! If you want someone to join the conversation, please invite them into your office. If you don't want people to hear a private conversation, close the door. Additionally, lowering your voice is helpful, too! In most cases, the conversations this guy is having are of absolutely no interest to me.

Some people would argue that I could just ignore him. To that argument I say, "It's easier said than done." Even with earbuds playing music or laboratory-issued certified hearing protection for noisy environments, I can STILL hear hear his voice. It's ridiculous.

#094 Enunciation (Phrases)

Radio stations are supposed to have skilled speakers providing information to the listener in a clear, concise manner where the listener should not have to struggle to understand what the speaker is saying. This is especially the case for news radio stations and weather and traffic reports (information critical to the listeners).

On a local radio station, a particular meteorologist always combines the words in the phrases "this morning" and "this afternoon". He combines the words such that the s is almost completely left off the word "this" and then connected to the front of "afternoon" or "evening": it turns into "thi-safternoon" or "thi-sevening". He's not speaking particularly fast and it doesn't seem like he's pressed for time, so I don't understand why he can't just slow down when he says these phrases so that he can clearly enunciate each word individually. He actually does the same thing to "this morning" but it's not noticed as much because the second word starts with a consonant and not a vowel.

Every time he says this, I literally want to reach through the radio and just smack him in the face. If I didn't want to hear the traffic report and weather forecast so badly, I would just change the station altogether and not listen to it at all!

#092 Pronunciation (The Number 0)

People in the United States have slightly different ways of writing certain numbers on paper than do people elsewhere in the world, namely Europe. However, no matter how it is physically written on paper, the number 1 is still pronounced one in the United States.

Apparently this is not the case for the number 0.

A popular news radio station in my metropolitan area has been recently running an advertisement where the announcer clearly states (and repeats!) the last four digits of the telephone number for the business: double-oh eleven. The fact that he states the last two digits as eleven instead of one one is annoying enough (that will have to be a future blog post), but is it really too much to ask to throw in the first extra syllable for the number zero? The announcer is dictating the phone number to the listener, and should the listener want to take note of the phone number, it would be easier for the listener to follow zero zero one one instead of double-oh eleven.

Take, for example, a vehicle license plate. If you witnessed a crime, and a vehicle was involved, you would need to tell the police the identification of the license plate. If you tell them that the identification number consisted of "one oh zee", they would likely ask you if you could tell whether or not it was the letter O or the number 0. There is a difference!

"Oh" is not a number; "zero" is a number.

#088 Conversation Fillers

People who know exactly what they want will generally be able to get what they want because they are direct about it. Example: "Hey, I have this piece of hardware with this specific kind of fastener. Do you have the tool that can open it up?"

People who don't really know what they're talking about will face harsher criticism and will often end up irritating the people around them, making it increasingly difficult for those that can help to actually do it. Example: "So, I have this Thing-A that attaches to Thing-B, but then this other guy came and replaced Thing-A with Thing-C and now it's different, blah blah blah, aaaanywaaaaaays...." (and so on).

I have a theory about people that can't effectively communicate what they want or that try "to make a long story short": they have no idea what they're talking about.

I work with a guy that says "blah blah blah" in the middle of virtually every conversation he has. He just goes ON AND ON about what he's trying to explain, and the only thing I can figure out about him is either (or both) of the following:

1. He really doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.
2. He likes to hear himself talk to make himself seem important and an asset to the company so he doesn't get fired.

Figure out what you're asking for and get as much information as you can so you don't look like an idiot. Do research if necessary. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut!

#067 Homonyms (4th)

I recently visited a popular county park used for camping where there were 4 streets, each named in sequential order: 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th. However, the words were spelled out and not abbreviated as I put them in my previous sentence. Can you spot the mistake?

I find it humorous that the last photo shows the sign "NO ALCOHOL BEYOND THIS POINT" right next to the street sign. Perhaps there was alcohol involved when the street signs were created? (just kidding)

... and just in case you couldn’t figure it out, it should be Fourth, not Forth.

I actually went into the park office and mentioned it to the nice ladies running the place, and they have been aware of it apparently for a few years now. Since it is a county park, they can't change the sign themselves but rather need the county to come out and change it for them. Since it is not a huge priority, it just keeps getting pushed off. I commended the ladies for actually noticing and acknowledging the error; it seemed to be a pretty sore subject. I guess I wasn't the only one to point out the error!

Aren't there checks in place to prevent these mistakes from happening? I mean, doesn't someone have to approve the production of a sign before they are installed? If that was the case, perhaps this would not have happened.

#064 Pronunciation (English + other languages)

There are several words used regularly in the English language that have been borrowed from other languages. Below are a few random examples.

bagel: a Yiddish word defined as a ring-shaped bread roll made by boiling then baking the dough
vodka: a Russian word defined as an alcoholic liquor distilled from fermented mash of wheat, rye, corn, or potatoes
tofu: a Japanese word defined as a bean curd
graffiti: an Italian word defined as "scratched"

A good friend of mine was at a grocery store (in the United States) the other day and witnessed a child (around age 8) and his mother selecting a package of thin, flat cornmeal pancakes... also known as tortillas. The child said something about getting tortillas [tawr-tee-uhs], but his mother (in)corrected him by pronouncing the Ls [tawr-till-uhs].

My friend did what was likely the "right" thing by keeping her mouth shut and not say anything to the mother or the child, but had I been there I would not have been so nice. I would have spoken up and told her that she was wrong and her child was right! I'm not saying that they or anyone else for that matter has to pronounce a "foreign" word with that country's indigenous accent, but at least pronounce the word with the same fundamentals.

As a parent, you are your child's first teacher. If you're stupid, then you're going to teach your kids to do the same stupid things that you do. Not sure how to spell something? Look it up! Don't go through life thinking that you're spelling "independance" correctly because that's how you saw someone else spell it. Do the rest of the world a favor (making it a better place for the rest of us) by NOT passing on your ignorance to the future generations of this country.

#059 Saying: "On Tape"

Every generation has different sayings that are relevant to the times. For example, "The greatest thing since sliced bread" was really popular in a time when sliced bread rarely existed or was not mass-produced. This saying has all but gone away except for maybe with the older crowd (70+, perhaps?) because let's face it: there are plenty of things that are significantly greater than sliced bread!

A saying that bothers me lately is "on tape". The media uses this one all the time when something is "caught on tape". Was that image actually captured on a video tape? What are we talking here, VHS?! Or how about a voice recording: was that also caught on a tiny casette tape with a tape recording device? In today's time, I'm going to guess probably not. There are so many options for digital recordings it's almost nauseating... but we have options. And if there's one thing we need these days, that is MORE OPTIONS. But honestly, with all of the technology out there, I seriously doubt tapes are used anymore - what with all of the editing and whatnot.

I realize it might be easier to say something was "caught on tape" as opposed to "digitally recorded", but I feel like we need to be correct if we're making a statement about something. Someone could just say it was "recorded" or "captured".... just not "on tape". If it is a digital recording, it's not ON TAPE!

#055 Talking With Food In Your Mouth

Growing up, I didn't spend an abundance of time with my immediate family as a whole, but the time we typically spent together was at mealtime. If there was anything I learned from my mother about table etiquette, it was this: never talk with food in your mouth.

While I realize that I often blog about inefficiencies and time wasting (especially when it comes to hearing/listening), communication is something that must not be rushed while eating. It is very common in our society to socialize during meals, and I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with this. However, it is completely inappropriate to take a large bite of food and then proceed to start a conversation. Not only is it inappropriate, but it's really difficult to try to make out the words you're trying to say with a mouth full of food! I will likely ask you to repeat yourself anyway, making the process inefficient and totally annoying. I would rather just wait until you're done.

If you and I were sitting down to a meal, and we were carrying on a conversation prior to the meal being served, I would absolutely expect the scene to carry out as follows:

Me: "How was work today?" Take a bite; chew.
You: finish chewing; "It totally sucked; Mike is such an asshole." Take a bite; chew.
Me: finish chewing; "Oh yeah? What happened?" Take another bite; chew.
You: finish chewing; "He’s just a whiny bitch, that's all." Take another bite; chew.
(etc.)

Don't try to combine any of the above chewing / talking combinations. Doing so will only frustrate and enrage the other person (provided that person has manners and uses proper etiquette on a regular basis!).

Also, if I ask you a question while you're eating, I fully expect you to wait to answer my question until after you've cleared all of the food from your mouth. I won't get impatient that you're not answering me; I can clearly see that you’re eating!

#053 Office Etiquette (Conference Rooms)

In an office setting, conference rooms are extremely resourceful. Whether you're having a conference through the internet, a telephone conference or even just a meeting with associates at your location, conference rooms can give you the resources and privacy needed to discuss project-related or sensitive topics.

At one of my previous jobs, my desk was situated directly across from the door to a conference room. That is, I could turn my head to the right and look directly inside the room and see all the chairs and the table. There would constantly be people meeting in this room, sometimes just meeting in person but often having telephone conferences. This room was actually constructed out of what was originally a few cubicles, so walls were constructed in their place to form an enclosed room. However, when they constructed this room, they did not insulate the walls. Every time there was a telephone conference I could literally hear every word everyone was saying when the door was open but ALSO when it was closed! Closing the door made the sound a bit more muffled, but I eventually kept a small fan at my desk and turned it on to drown out the noise.

When there are desks / cubicles near conference rooms, it is not polite to leave the door open. It's not so much the content of the meeting that needs to remain private (although often it is), but rather the fact that having a conversation about anything near anyone that doesn't need to hear it is kind of rude. Point 1: Keep conference room doors closed.

Another useful tool when it comes to conference rooms is the ability to reserve them. From my past experience, most companies manage the use of conference rooms through the company's email client. This makes it easy to see which rooms are available and when, and also to manage them when there is a conflict. However, it is SO ANNOYING when you actually book a room and someone else is using the room but didn't bother to check the schedule for that room.

Two days in a row now I have had a meeting in the morning, and both days there has been the same person in the room, using the room literally as a personal office. This person is a repeat offender – they frequently use this room without reserving it, then when I or others hover outside the room until they notice, they emerge from the room and ask, "Oh, do you have this room now?". Uhhhhhh... YEAH, had you bothered to check the schedule, you would have seen when my meeting was scheduled, so you can go call-in to your telephone conference either from your own desk or another conference room that was not reserved. Better yet, you likely know AHEAD OF TIME that you have to call-in to a telephone conference, so why don't you (*gasp*) reserve a room for that time so you can make sure that no one disturbs you! Point 2: Reserve a conference room if you need one.

At my current job, I sit near a manager's office (a small room with a window and door). Very often there are people that stop by to chat with him, have meetings, and also to have conference calls (rather than reserving a conference room). There are times when people will stop by either on purpose or just to chat, and they will actually stand in the doorway and talk to the manager as opposed to going inside the office, sitting down and having the conversation at a reasonable volume. Instead, from the doorway, they will carry on a conversation at a completely unreasonable "office" volume and joke, laugh and carry on for several minutes – once it lasted up to 45 minutes. The manager is pretty mindful of their surroundings, but it's the people that come talk to the manager that are completely disrespectful. Point 3: If there is a room with a door, get in the room and close the door before proceeding with your conversation.

#051 Names (Shortening)

I am not typically a fan of name shortening, unless the person whose name is being shortened is the one requesting it to be that way.

My first name has three syllables and is not particularly common. In a world full of shortened names, apparently there are too many syllables in my name that people would rather just shorten it to the first three letters. If you have spoken to me in person any time in the last 15 years, you know for a fact that I ABSOLUTELY HATE my name being shortened. Therefore, I would hope that you would respect my preference and only refer to me by my FULL first name (or, The Most is acceptable, also). :) I always refer to people by their full first name unless they tell me otherwise.

Many older, traditional names get shortened a lot, but they sort of puzzle me. For example, if your name is Richard, why would you want to be called Dick? This name is sort of old-fashioned; typically only older men shorten their name this way – seems to be a generational thing. I understand Rich or even Rick, and it’s likely that you were named after your father or grandfather, so you want to differentiate between yourself and your family member – I get it. Also, Jim is kind of an odd derivation of James, but that is so widely accepted these days that no one questions it. Another example is Michael: does Michael sound too formal? Is Mike more casual?

I’m guessing people who shorten their own names just don’t care much for their full names, or just want to be slightly different in a crowd full of people of the same (likely common) names. Take the name Jennifer – it is quite the popular female name – so I can understand why it is often shortened to Jen or I’ve even seen Jenn (which is definitely much less common). Also, the name Timothy is a somewhat common name, but every Timothy I’ve ever met has gone by Tim – so why do people keep naming their boys Timothy if no one actually goes by that name? Do one-syllable names sound more powerful than their full-length counterparts? If your intent is to refer to your child by a shortened name for the rest of their lives (Daniel --> Dan, Matthew --> Matt, Christopher --> Chris, David --> Dave), maybe you should go ahead and just keep the name short to begin with.

A friend of mine’s parents’ names are Russell Anthony and Diana Susan, and both of them go by a shortened version of their middle names: Russell goes by Tony and Diana goes by Sue. A relative of mine’s sister-in-law’s name is Rita Teresa and mostly everyone calls her Teresa, but sometimes people refer to her as Rita as well. Using middle names as first names is SO CONFUSING. What’s wrong with your first name that you have to use a form of your middle name instead? Does this go back to the other-family-member-is-named-that-so-I-want-something-different thing? GaahhhhhhhhHH!!!

Combined with name shortening, something that completely irritates me is the way people spell their shortened names when it has absolutely nothing to do with how their name is originally spelled. I know a guy whose given name is Salvadore, but everyone (including family) calls him Seve. I don’t know if that’s some sort of Italian thing or what, but I’m not sure how you get Seve from Salvadore. Also, I know of a woman whose given name is Kimberly, and she spells her shortened name Kymm. How do you get Kymm from Kimberly? Why not just Kim? Are there too many Kims that you need to distinguish yourself by spelling it outrageously? Last but not least, I know another woman whose given name is Rebecca, and at some point in middle or high school she decided that she was going to switch from Becky to Behkey. I’m not even going to touch that one, because I can’t even begin to explain how entirely messed up that is.

#047 Breaking Silence With Sounds

Imagine you're having a telephone conversation with someone (anyone). Now imagine you ask that person to locate something (anything) not within their immediate sight. If that person makes some kind of sound or series of sounds while they’re looking for that object, that annoys the hell out of me.

Why can’t you just search for that object in silence?? WHY must you make noise to pass the time or break the silence? I can hold the line and wait in silence while you look for the object and the silence doesn’t bother me, nor should it bother you!

Me: “Hey, do you have that ticket I gave you?”
You: “Yeah, uhhhh….. doot-d-doo-doot-doot-doo…… yeah, here it is!”

Please DO NOT – I repeat – DO NOT make noise while you are looking for something. Just TELL ME you’re looking for it; chances are, I can probably hear you rustling around for it anyways.

#046 Improper or Redundant Abbreviations

We live in a world where lately no one has the time or patience to use complete sentences or even complete words for that matter. In some instances, yes, it makes sense to abbreviate either long words or long phrases into cute little phrases or acronyms that are more easily managed or are easier to print, display or read.

What I DO NOT have the patience for, however, is when people use an improper abbreviation or one that is redundant.

Congratulations! This is a long word. This word is often misspelled because there are just too many letters in it (whine) and people are lazy and would rather shorten it. Congrats! Ah, yes... much better. Just remember: it's congrats, not congrads. People make this mistake all the time and it completely pisses me off. I suspect this is the case because this word is often used with the word “graduate” when congratulating someone who has recently graduated from high school / college / etc. and people simply don’t pay attention, or they have seen it incorrectly abbreviated so many times before that they actually don’t know it should be a T instead of a D.


your and Congrads? Looks like college has paid off for SOME of us...


Et cetera: now there's a winner. The proper abbreviation is etc., not ect. Alternatively you can just use a phrase such as "and so on" or "and so forth" (or even a combination of the two!) instead of looking like an idiot and shortening it incorrectly. Trust me, you're only making YOURSELF look stupid.

On mailed invitations to events (yes, people actually still do this!), people will often print "Please RSVP" or "RSVP Please", which is completely redundant because répondez s'il vous plaît actually means PLEASE RESPOND. If you say please before or after RSVP, you’re actually saying please twice! Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the effort and the kindness, but saying please twice just isn’t necessary.

VIN or PIN: there is no need to say PIN number or VIN number because N is the abbreviation for number within that acronym!

Finally, when referring to a bank’s ATM, this acronym is short for automated teller machine. If you say ATM machine, once again, you’re being redundant. Quit wasting my time and yours.

#040 Redundant Denotations

Being specific is important. Being redundant while being specific is annoying.

I listen to my local newsradio station during my commute to and from work to listen for traffic updates. There is one newscaster on this station that drives me crazy when he reports the traffic because he uses the phrases "right-hand" and "left-hand" to denote which lane is blocked by a traffic tie-up. "There is an accident blocking the left-hand lane of southbound Hwy 1 at Hwy 2..." or "There's an ambulance blocking the right-hand lane of northbound Hwy 5 at Hwy 6...". Seriously, just leave out the "-hand".... RIGHT or LEFT is enough information!

Another one that irritates me is when people are describing the time of day. "Why are you calling me at 2 a.m. in the morning?" Uhhhh..... the fact that you said "a.m." is enough to let me know what you're talking about. And besides, I know what time I'm calling you. Plus, if you're one of those people that can't differentiate between 12:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m., I'm probably not friends with you.

And while we're on the topic, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop calling it a "hot water heater". It's called a "water heater" because it MAKES the water "hot".

#034 Distracted Movie Viewing

I like going to see movies in a theater. It's an enjoyable experience, especially for high-action movies where there's a lot going on and the surround-sound adds to the impact of the movie.

However, I CAN'T STAND when people talk or make noise during the movie. It's one thing to have a quick whisper about something funny that just happened, or to tell someone you're going for a refill... but it's completely another thing to actually talk to one another while the movie proceeds, or to cause noise such that the audience cannot hear what's going on in the movie.

A couple of years ago I went to a small-town theater where I was watching a PG-13 romantic comedy with a friend of mine, and there was a group of teenaged girls sitting two rows back from us. Within a dialogue-filled part of the movie, the girls were arguing over whose turn it was to have the gummy bears. I finally got so fed up with it that I turned around and sharply said, "Girls, PLEASE" and they got the point and shut the hell up.

Recently I went to see a (rated R) serious drama/thriller movie which contained some adult situations. To my surprise, some grandparent-figures brought their toddler, and there were two rows of 8-12 teenagers each watching this movie as well. When one of the adult situations came up with some rather crude language, the teenagers all giggled, and the giggling led to more giggling because they were giggling at the giggling. This was NOT a giggling situation! It just totally ruined the mood of the movie for me.

As they were all leaving the movie, they agreed "We should have seen [random cartoon movie], that would have been way better." Yes. Yes it would have been way better. Because then you could have seen something that was more age-appropriate for you instead of wasting your $7.50 on a movie you thought you might like, but instead ruined the experience for the rest of the audience. Yes. Thank you.

Bitches.

#027 Hearing / Listening

Talking to one another can be a very effective form of communication between two or more people - that is, if you can actually hear the other person.

I don't speak very loudly or very softly, and I adjust my volume to match my surroundings. But I get extremely pissed off when I have to constantly repeat myself. If you can't actually hear me - that's one thing. TELL ME I'm not speaking loudly enough for you to hear me, or at least move closer to me so you can hear me. If you're not actually listening... well then, you should pay more attention.

I know you're not listening to me when the following scenario takes place:

Me: "Did you get that email?"
You: "What?"
Me: ....
You: "Oh yeah, the one about ________?"

Don't just ask me "What?" immediately following my question. I know you heard me, you just weren't listening. I would rather you take an extra few seconds, think about what I said, form a clear, educated response, then proceed with continuing the dialogue.

And for fuck's sake, PLEASE just SPIT IT OUT ALREADY. Don't respond to my question until you can recall the full details and tell me in one fluid sentence. Waiting around for you to form a coherent thought really tests my patience.

#009 Names (Ridiculous)

It seems new parents are naming their kids some "trendy" new name... lately it's anything that ends in -en or -on: Brayden, Kayden, Jaden, etc.

There's one name in particular that just flat out pisses me off. Someone I know from my high school days spells her baby's name Jaxson. Jaxson??!? Really?!!? I mean, this is the same woman that thinks wonderful is spelled "wounderful" and can't use the proper your/you're to save her life, so I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. But Jaxson? While I despise the spelling of Jaxon, I would have preferred that over the extra 's' in there. It should either be Jaxon or Jackson, but absolutely NOT a combination of the two. The 'x' sound already compensates for the 'cks' sound, so there is positively NO NEED for the 's' to follow the 'x'.

Oh, and she shortens his name to a nickname of "Jaxs" (of course, pronounced "Jacks"). *sigh* No. Just... no.

Just recently I heard the name Braxdon. WTF?! Did this kid's mother select those letters in her last game of Scrabble and attempt to make a name out of them?

Another ridiculous name I heard lately was Barren. The father liked it so much said it sounds very regal. Yes, it would sound regal if you named him Baron, but not Barren. When I hear the word 'barren' I think of a destitute wasteland, but dictionary.com's first definition reads "not producing or incapable of producing offspring". For his sake, I hope he actually can do this later in life, and not make his kid suffer like he had to for a ridiculous first name.

I feel names like these are contributing to the "dumbing down" of our society, and really makes me think of that movie Idiocracy, where the one character's name was Frito, and Fuddrucker's had evolved into Buttfucker's, and you can get sexual favors performed on you at Starbucks. If we keep this up, that is exactly where we're headed. I mean, what is this world coming to when people think it's cool to ignore basic functions of their native language?